And I Knew That You Meant It
by Obsessed01
Summary: “But maybe we’re not the same people anymore.” “But maybe we are.” SS oneshot PG13 for sex, what else?


A/N: They need to get together. Anyone else feeling the lack of Seth/Summer interaction? Anyone else notice that they didn't talk _period_ last episode? Yeah, I'm thinking about writing a _very angry_ letter to my good man Josh Schwartz. You can be expecting more pieces like this from me in the future until they get back together. (It was in the January teaser; they kiss! I know it! It just has to happen and SOON!) I already have another one in the works, that one being a little…er, shall we say, dirtier… So keep your eyes open for that and I'm working on another chap for Just Let Us Be Us Again. It's coming, I promise! One last thing, my apologies for the use of the Dashboard Confessional song (Hands Down). They're sellouts, I know but what can you do? They're my guilty pleasure.

Summer heard her door open a crack but she didn't move. "Cohen," she said, her back to him. "What are you doing here?"

It was late. She shouldn't have known it was him without turning around. But she knew Seth and she could just tell. The room was dim, just an orange-ish glow coming from the lamp next to her bed and he was moving quietly. He didn't answer her. He just crossed the room, walking up behind her at her dresser.

He reached out a hand and pulled the hair away from her neck. She sucked in a breath when he leaned down, his lips grazing the skin there. She wondered briefly if she was dreaming. "Cohen," she whispered. Her eyes fluttered shut and she gave herself over to the feeling of his mouth for just a second.

Then the meaning of it all came back and suddenly she was wide-awake. She pulled away by turning to face him. She started to talk but he cut her off when he cupped her face in his hands and leaned in, kissing her. She took a step back, distancing themselves for her sake.

"What do you think you're doing?" she said, her voice in an urgent whisper. Her stepmother was home, asleep the bedroom and, although she doubted she would wake up, she was still nervous.

"Let me kiss you," he said simply.

"What?" she asked, confused. He shows up at her house at, like, eleven thirty at night and asks to kiss her. What the hell was going on?

"Let me kiss you," he repeated.

"I can't," she said and her voice seemed shaky and unsure. "You know I can't. And you shouldn't be here."

"Why not?"

"What do you mean why not? You have a girlfriend and I'm sure she knew if you were here in the middle of the night she'd be pretty pissed. Speaking of which, who let you in here?" she asked, changing subjects.

"I let myself in. I knew your stepmom would be asleep," he explained, their voices still hushed.

"Breaking and entering. I'm pretty sure that's a new level of stalking for you," she said. She didn't have to ask how he got in: he knew where her key was kept.

He smiled at her and stepped forward again. He reached out a hand, gently touching her cheek. She leaned into it instinctively and his smile turned a little bit sad. "Will you do something for me?" he asked.

She knew she shouldn't. She knew that there was no possible way this could turn out good. The kid shows up at her house at night to ask a favor. What kind of favor can't wait for morning?

She nodded her head.

"Kiss me."

Her eyes got a little wet at the corners as she looked at him. She took everything in: his curly hair, his dark brown eyes, his narrow hips and the way his jeans sat low on them. She saw the way his eyes were begging her to just say yes and kiss him. And it took every ounce of strength she had to not just grab his face and do it.

"Things," she started, "are so…complicated right now. If Zach and I had never started dating, things would be different." She winced at the tinge of longing she could hear in her voice. "But they're not." Her voice cracked and she mentally kicked herself for sounding so desperate.

"I know how screwed up everything got," he said, putting his hands on her tiny waist and pulling her closer. "But I need you to kiss me. Then look me in the eye and tell me it meant nothing."

"Cohen, that's not fair," she whispered.

"No, what's not fair is for me to sit here, screwing up every relationship I've had since you because I think that, maybe, there's still hope for us. And I need to know that there's not." He took a breath and continued. "Kiss me and if you can't feel anything, then we can move on."

She hesitated. She was afraid to kiss him because she had this nagging feeling that it _would_ mean something. That not only would this kiss mean _something_, but that it would mean _everything._ What was she supposed to do then? Her instincts told her to just lead him out of her bedroom and down the stairs. To just strap him in his car and send him on his way, forgetting that any of this ever happened. That way, she'd never have to know that he still meant something to her.

_My hopes are so high,  
that your kiss might kill me_.

But she couldn't do that. So she nodded her head and leaned down, brushing his lips against hers. He pulled her closer and kissed her a little harder, tilting her head upward. She kissed him back, opening her lips when she felt his tongue touch them.

But she had to pull back, before she fell in, letting it go too deep. She needed to stop this soon enough that she was still able to convince herself that it was nothing. He looked into her eyes, searching for something that she was trying to hide.

"Tell me it meant nothing," he whispered and she knew he was half-hoping she would say it didn't. They both knew that it wasn't supposed to mean something, that things would be so much easier if it didn't.

So she looked up at him, and for the sake of both of them, she tried to say it didn't. "It…didn't," she said, but she cast her eyes downward at the last second as she caught a glimpse of the conflicting emotions in his eyes.

"No," he said, cupping her face and tilting it look at him. "Look me in the eyes."

"It…" she started, trying to force the words out. But she watched his eyes as they stared down into hers and she couldn't lie. "I can't say that," she whispered and he nodded.

"Me neither." They smiled a little, but it was sad.

They knew the truth now. There was too much between them for it ever die but there was too much ahead of them to go back now. Things were too different with too many feelings involved and while they each knew it would destroy them both, they also knew that nothing was to be done about it.

He took her hands, holding them tight to his chest and shut his eyes. She wondered if he was trying to keep from crying. When he opened them, his eyes were a little wet and a little red and she knew she was right. He leaned down and kissed her forehead. "I'll see you around," he said.

The tears pooled in her own eyes and when she nodded, one slipped down her cheek. He brushed it away with the pad of his thumb and tried to smile at her. Then he turnedon his heeland walked out of the room.

Summer collapsed on her bed as the tears spilled over. She covered her face with her hands and her body shook as she sobbed silently. The door opened again a few seconds later and the bed shifted when he sat next to her.

"But what if," he said, as she continued to cry, "we could forget?" He put an arm around her as she leaned into him, burying her face in his chest. "What if we could forget about everything else and just remember us?" She reached a hand up and gripped his shoulder as the sobs racked her body. He kissed her hair and said, "Forget with me, okay?"

He rubbed circles on her back until she calmed down. She pulled away, her face tear streaked and her hair a little messy but he looked at her like she was the most beautiful girl he had ever seen. And she knew in his opinion, she was.

"But maybe we're not the same people anymore," she whispered, her voice shaky and uneven.

"But maybe we are."

So she leaned in and kissed him and he kissed her back, pushing her against the pillows. And as his hands roamed her body, she was able to forget about Zach. And as she moved to his neck, her tongue tracing the same familiar paths, she was able to forget about Alex. And as they lay there afterward, his body covering hers and tucked safely under the covers, she was able to forget about everything except for them. Because they were who mattered.

_And you kissed me like you meant it.  
And I knew that you meant it._


End file.
